Friday, June 26, 2009; 6:49 PM
once upon a shooting star.
the people are those who make birthdays special.
thank you to every one of you who played a part in colouring up my day. ♥ (:
dawningstars.lj
Sunday, June 07, 2009; 5:07 PM
i think if i ever have a choice, you're the reason why i'll choose to come back.
i wish someone'll sing me a goodnight song; any one, any song.
i believe i'll miss pooh. can i bring him along?
i hope there'll be stars over there, mm.
i, have been typing and deleting and typing and deleting yet nothing seems to come out right nothing seems to make sense. this post is getting nowhere i should stop.
ps. i'm stronger than what you think before i leave i hope you will tell me whatever you've been hiding from my sight please just kill me with one shot don't let me figure out the cruel lies myself. leave this heart to heal on its own, if it ever does.
it's true. strength comes from within strength comes from within strength comes from within strength comes from within. c'mon heart open up and let it sink in, straight in.
it's fear knocking on my windowpane.
Wednesday, June 03, 2009; 8:48 PM
the number's so big we can't fit a table. so we part and go our separate ways.
because when i sat on a higher level looking down at the place where we've all fought and cried the sight's no longer what i wna see my heart couldn't help but to cringe at the fact that probably nothing nothing would be the same anymore. it's so hard to lift the load when everyone's going in totally different directions how to you tell me tired of trying to see beyond superficial layers and making wild guesses of what people are thinking about then trying to come up with explanations just for you and you and you.
an invisible force pulled me out of the haunting shelter i found myself walking towards my fairyland i would have cried if i could but it hurt so bad the tears didn't come. what if i can never be able to do you proud i'd be so disappointed i'd throw myself away. nap was worse every time i close my eyes i hear this voice screaming at me i couldn't make out the words it just kept screaming, kept screaming..
help yourself up first help yourself up first i know but i don't know how; how to stop repeating mistakes how to block out the uselessness that always fills me up right to the brim.
directions directions where are you there's no time left please it's gna be my last.
dmh, find your way back to square one and realize what you’re truly fighting for.
baseball game, strike-outs.
Monday, June 01, 2009; 8:20 PM
我告诉自己不准哭 泪水撑得很辛苦
secthree and missing layups, what the hell is your problem.
it's not even about whose fault it is to start off with.
she really wanted to help really wanted to play her part and fulfill her responsibilities but she's so weak she does nothing right probably even spoils things from how they used to be. she never knew she was someone with such bad character in your eyes she's aware she killing all the trust and the confidence bit by bit. what happens when no results are shown does it mean she's not putting in enough or does it simply mean it's time to give her the red card cause she's not even fit to be in the game. afterall she's so lousy she can't play neither can she assist others in winning so what's the point tell me what's the whole point.
if this is how you think of me, then why don't we just let it be.
trap the memories in the lens.
happy birthday joyjoy.
i love you i love you i love you i love you. there, four for you all coming from deep inside. <3
i feel like uploading photos. :D
clique gang stayover at khoon's!
dinner @ ikea saw wen on the way, the anderson peeps have a problem with her roar don't be mean she's my teammate and she's very cute okay! boys over flowers at khoon's house i didn't like it cause meteor garden was so much better. when 4 pigs come together we do what we're best at (talk eat sleep) but khoon couldn't last long (so lousy!) so we ended up sleeping at 3. chris's stupid cause she was trying very hard to keep us awake yet she zonked out in the morning hahaha.
breakfast @ kovan macs, hotcakes still make me very sick. D: khoon's house gives a very homely feeling, i like. (:
chris, if you're reading this, here's for you!
i believe in second chances and i think you did the right thing though it seems suicidal at least you've done all you could now it's up to him to realise and her to change - i'd have done it the same way too. it isn't wrong to believe in people and meng hopes you won't lose faith cause angels do exist you just have to wait for yours to come. till then i'll keep your sky shining, good luck girl. (:
because you know it'll be painful yet you know you'll do it all the same.
2.39am. naughty girls who refuse to sleep during sleepovers. :D
there's a particular ass who keeps bugging me to blog about fencing and she says she'll hyperventilate whenever she sees xiao jiao lian cause he's cute. D: the coaches think grace and i are crazy cause everytime we fight we just charge at each other haha. fencing reminds me a lot about jiaobu and it feels like being caned whenever you get hit by the sabre but it's still fun!
group photos. :D
ohyes on a side note, new friend i still haven't seen the fanclub! D:
fighting partners. :D
yah go on, laugh. the fencing suit really looks like diapers. D:
fight fight fight!
holidays are here my schedule's packed like crazy i've a feeling strong enough to convince myself that i'll be getting even less rest this month as compared to usual school days. D: maybe i should be grateful cause at least there's still obs five days away from civilisation away from people away from work.
june's gna be filled with street sales if it's last year i'd have pictured myself complaining on and on yet now i feel willing to commit cause there're people out there waiting for help. a few hours of sleep's nothing, yay yfc here i come!
'every bit of love put in will be doubly returned.' (:
youth for causes group. :D
csm ot [click to enlarge]. :D
roar this post is so loooong, blogger should invent a 'blogger cut'.
training training training, then hwachong for briefing. c'mon it's just a while, you can do it.
Sunday, May 31, 2009; 3:39 PM
because they are the ones who make life more than beautiful. (:
jas. zhan. meng. chris. khoon. ♥
one-way lane, no regrets.
Monday, May 25, 2009; 11:31 PM
i received a one month in advance birthday message this morning that i couldn't help laughing at. :D
new friend is insane talking to her feels like riding on a roller coaster you never know when the next shock is gna come i swear my heart almost stopped beating when i heard about what she did. D: hahaha but she makes me happy plus hyper most of the time and now she owes me icecream so she's forgiven, yay.
talking to the juniors makes me feel like i'm walking through sectwo all over again.
last year i remember attending the leadership course taking away things i've never learnt before last year i remember writing a letter to myself when my heart was filled with sadness and soaked in tears last year i remember completely breaking down in front of everyone else in the very same room last year i remember hugging glenda at the end of the five days as we cried for a common reason a common wish.
those days were more than painful the heartbreaks and the backfires relentlessly hit again and again now looking back i don't know how i managed to survive them all, yet these were the days that taught us to stand strong as one. a year passed i'm back at the same spot once again now as senior looking at the younger ones i wonder how it will be like for them - will they make the choice to walk through the same rocky route as i did or probably recognize a new destination for themselves.
glenda if you're reading this i hope you're missing those days as much as i do cause i know as we continue to learn and grow this is gna make one of the best chapters in my memory. (:
i gave B away today. ):
but i'm sure you'll take good care of it for me so don't make me sad okay! B's filled up right to the brim with my love and now it'll always be around you so i really hope you'll be brave together with B to fight off all the sadness coming your way. believe in fairytales believe in love cause miracles do happen once in a while and that's enough to keep us going. (:
i miss mrTurtle, how are you?one month.
look beyond the grey grey sky.
Sunday, May 24, 2009; 7:46 AM
you said you wanted to hear about my day so here i am. (:
went for chemcar early in the morning damn i was so tired it took a whole lot of mental power for me to drag myself out of bed. jolie and i were moaning and groaning about open house we really wanted to be there with team. chemcar didn't turn out all that bad my group made it to top 8 and considering the fact that our car went haywire in the morning i think it was damn good. :D the DJ system was blasting the song Nobody and people started dancing to the chorus haha, even msG wanted to join in! when it's shannon and jolene's final turn we cheered and cheered like madness it's the first time i've ever heard outsiders commenting that nanyang girls are good and high. i feel so proud yay, css power. :D
went back to open house for a lil' while and training sounded fun roar. saw joyjoy playing for band i shouted her name and quoting her, 'that made my section so jealous'. saw ! in the canteen glendatan and peiting were smiling like nobody's business hahaha and they keep laughing at me! ehhh i'm sad lorh. D:
shersher and sophia went for youthforcauses opening ceremony peiting and i felt really guilty cause as we were being insane in the canteen they were probably going through the most boring ceremony in their life sorry sorry. :X
i remember being very very stressed over making the decision of where to appear on the 23rd May there were open house and chem car comps and yfc opening ceremony and slc facs training all going on at the same time. it's when the importance of these events balance out and choices are really tough that we have to decide ourselves on what we really want to achieve with commitment comes great responsibility.
giving up slc was something i never wanted to do but something i had to cause life made me choose. whether or not the final decision came from me or maybe to a certain extent it was forced in doesn't matter anymore what's important is i don't regret what i've chosen. probably not until i hear about how slc turned out to be haha, have fun!
pangsehed bread at church today cause i really felt like locking myself up at home i'm sorry bread but at times just sometimes i want to be alone people are scary you'll never know what the person sitting beside you is thinking about and i'm tired of always having to guess then pray that i'm correct. i promise i'll watch it online. (:
maybe i should go play DDR, it makes me happy (though most of the time sister owns me like crazy). :D
sometimes you have to stand in the dark to see the stars. (:
Saturday, May 23, 2009; 10:49 PM
i wish i was braver, stronger.
like a tape recorder with the rewind button hit,
i took so long fought so hard to free myself from the grip of the past but last night just last night once again i felt the pain burning in me the previous times i always wonder exactly what is pulling me back into the firepit once twice thrice but now i know it's me the problem lies in me my soul wants to relive those memories i dived right in to search for my love i know it's there i can feel the warm touch.
H says it matters but what matters to me your happiness does it has always been first in line but since the day i started to bring pain i know probably i'm not what you need. now i wish i'd hugged you close tell you how much you scared me with the tape how i brimmed with happiness and pride when i heard champions because i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you - the you who fights so hard against pain to achieve goals, the you who holds so tight onto faith to chase down dreams.
probably you'll never know;
but there's a tiny voice deep down in my heart whispering into my ears that you would, one day we'll make it to eternity because love does miracles. i believe, i promise. (L)
would you lie with me on the mountains to watch the stars?
不在乎天长地久 只在于曾经拥有
now i know, clear as water.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009; 1:34 AM
i need a break from all the work or i'll just go crazy.
if only, if only, if only it is so easy getting a break in life too.
today, after blowing balloons cutting cloth painting cardboard designing costumes for over 4 hours to prepare for csm, i was on my way home at 8plus while messaging G and i can't believe it slipped my mind that csm was on wednesday. i think my brain is degenerating really really, if not there's a hole somewhere in there for sure, a big big hole. someday it might just decide to die on me and when that time hits i don't know what i'll do. i need someone powerful somone strong to knock some sense into my head and stop me from behaving like an idiot or maybe a zombie every single day, please?
tomorrow, 20rounds, more balloons. i hope my lungs survive, the other time was, horrid.
when an apple starts to rot nothing is gna stop it from rotting you can't throw it into the bin there's no way to get to that you can't give it away nobody would want a rotten apple you can't apply healing cream on it hoping it'd heal cause it won't yet even when you know nothing matters anymore you still have to try, and i'm gna try my best to save that apple.
